Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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