The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
