I feel like abortions should bother me more
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
