Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
