why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
