I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
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