He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
