i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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