After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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