So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize