after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
