its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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