So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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