You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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