you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
