That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
