I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
