ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
this beer tastes like vomit already
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Randomize
