I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
