I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
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No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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