If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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