i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
