You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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