I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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