I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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