Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
