Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
