i just wanna soil my oats bro
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
too bad you live with your parents still
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
