I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
don't judge my taste in strippers
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
