How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
