I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
