You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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