Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
