I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
