i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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