Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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