I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
