and i looked up. we had an audience...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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