Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
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He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
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It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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