woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
