this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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