On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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