yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
