She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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