Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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