I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
