You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
smell my finger.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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