omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
did you just send me my own nude
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
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