i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
