toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
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and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
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He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Congratulations! We have a period
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