In the future we'll all be gay
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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