your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
