Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Semen is not good for contacts.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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