I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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