At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day