i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I understand Curling. That high.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.