just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
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Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
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I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha