My hand turned me down
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The 19 Creepiest Missing Person Cases
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.