There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
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Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
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What is this nonsense on the table
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT