Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Randomize
