He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
