Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
